Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Words on the wind

Fierce wind has been with us all day, and as I was driving home from work, words started nagging in my brain, saying that I should tell the story of the wind....

Savage wind is nature, raw and elemental -
full of bluster and muster and might.

Heavy sighs toss and twirl debris like confetti,
sending it hither and yon

Burning breath of anger and wrath ushers in destruction -
tackling those too fragile to stand,
trees crashing to the ground.

Leaving confusion and chaos in its wake, its biting breezes withdraw,



P.S. For any of the writers among you who might happen to be reading this, I would appreciate any constructive criticism you might be willing to share on this piece. I had a hard time getting the timing and tempo right, and I'm still not entirely happy with it. Since I'm actively trying to work on my writing chops, it would be nice to know how this falls on ears other than my own. You can leave your response in the comments, or email me directly (see my profile for the address). Thank you.


Kelly said...

...Heather, this is beautiful!

I'm sitting here laughing at myself, because while the wind stirs beautiful and powerful poetry in your mind, the same wind a few hours earlier stirred visions of elves from "Rudolph" being tossed around my front yard as they desperately tried to hold on to tiny packages. (All I want for Christmas are the brain cells I used to have...)

Meg said...

This is a wonderful poem! I like the rhythm of it best of all. It matches the wind--tripping along, then slowing down. My favorite rhyme is the one that happens subtly, internally in the second stanza--"toss" and "yon."
You captured the raw and elemental essence of yesterday's wind--that's for sure!
Yay for your writing chops! Keep 'em coming, sister!

Heather said...

Thank you Kelly. I loved your visions of "Rudolph" elves getting blown around your front yard! I thought it was cute and hilarious. You took the the bright side, I took the darker side.

Thanks Meg, your comments are very encouraging. I'm glad the rhythm worked out well.

The Early Birder said...

Well Heather, I'll admit that I was never very good doing prose at school (yeh I know it was a long time ago) but you did good..Gold Star for this. FAB.

Anonymous said...

Heather, I read it out loud, and I like the way the piece moves, toward the hush at the end.

We had a day like that yesterday. The wind bell accompanied me while I shoveled snow, made the experience almost mysical.

Gabrielle said...

I'm not a writer, but I liked this very much. I also admire your bravery in putting it out there. Good for you!

Eleanor Thorel said...

Hi Heather,
A lovely rendition of the wind. Keep writing! Hope you are staying warm in your area. We have received 50 to 70 cm of snow in the past two days and more is on the way...

Heather said...

Frank - Thank you! I was never really much for writing prose myself (I usually prefer a more strict rhyme), but this just came to me this way.

Sandy - Thank you for taking the time to read it aloud. I'm glad it moved well. Your description of shoveling to the accompaniment of a wind bell sounds fantastic.

Gabrielle - Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was a bit tough to "put it out there," but all of the positive feedback has made it worthwhile!

Eleanor - Good to hear from you! Thanks for your support. We are staying relatively warm here, but I wonder if we could have a bit of your snow? Wow, you've got a lot of it!